Meet Nikki, My New You Tube Friend

When I was blogging regularly, I shared quite a few posts about handling the dreaded subject of cleaning. I fell by the wayside and stopped writing about anything. Now, I have to admit, I miss sharing information with my friends who support my family's site, the Emerald Quill. One of the reasons for my renew interest is a You Tube channel I just discovered. My daughter Krystal called me one evening and suggested I take a look at a series of videos called "At Home With Nikki". I took her advice and immediately checked out some of these videos. It changed my life!

Nikki Boyd's channel covers information for organizing your home, tips on entertaining, suggestions for decorating and a variety of other subjects. I used her information to reorganize our kitchen cabinets, our laundry room, as well as under the sink cabinets in our kitchen and in our laundry room. I discover the world of creating a planner focused on a month, a week and each day, found out about stickers and washi tape and began to use a structured approach to meal planning, grocery shopping, and scheduling activities. In all honesty, it was exciting to see the changes in my life style and habits that contributed to a more organized existence.

Nikki Boyd

I watched Nikki as she made decorative baskets as gifts for friends. With several anniversaries on the horizon for family members during the months of April and May, I took her suggestions and created individual "Honeymoon Baskets" for three couples in our family. My son Kreighton and wife Janel  celebrate their anniversary in May. They had recently purchased a new grill which they seemed to be using quite frequently. Using a cookout theme, I grabbed a large container used to chill beverages and beer and filled that "basket" with checkered napkins and a table cloth, grilling tools, condiment plastic bottles, mason jar glasses, and the like. I added dish towels with a grilling theme, with matching padded gloves and pads. Now, what's a goodies basket without some wine and snacks and other yummy treats. So, I threw in some sausages, cheeses, olives, and candies that they could enjoy while preparing their Bar B Que meal. Finally, I added a lovely clear wrap and a big bow and I had a real winner.

Why quarrel with success. I was on a roll. So, I created two other baskets, one for my sister-in-law Annette and her husband Al and the other for my granddaughter Jhordan and her husband Jacob. After I picked themes and color schemes, I filled a large basket, with tasty meat and cheese treats, a couple of bottles of wine, two pretty glasses, and I didn't forget the sweets. I gift wrapped Jhordan and Jacob's wine bottles in a box filled with padding for safe transportation and placed the other goodies in a large basket. After wrapping the baskets in clear wrap, I topped each with a brightly covered bow and distributed another magical honeymoon treat. When my new son-in- law John celebrated his birthday, guess what he discovered on his kitchen table? You're a winner if you said "a birthday basket". It was fun to prepare these treasures filled with love and affection. The gifts were well received and everybody was happy. Thanks again Nikki!

As I steal time from my lazy retirement schedule, I'll share with you more discoveries on this journey, but I strongly suggest that you go to You Tube and check out "At Home With Nikki" for yourself. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I know you'll love her and all the interesting suggestions she offers for an upgraded, organized, fun-filled life for you and your family.

Go Nikki!

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Abusive Relationships

Yesterday, a prominent national figure resigned his office after credible charges of abuse from four women. As a victim of spousal abuse, I felt compelled to share a blog post on the subject of abusive relationships that I published several years ago. Unfortunately, the subject matter doesn't change. but the struggle continues. I'd also like to leave you with this encouraging thought:

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction
ends up being the biggest step of your life.
Tip toe if you must , but take the step.

Abusive Relationships

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.

This Healthy Relationship Quiz was developed by the Santa Clara University Wellness Center to help women (and also men) decide if they are in an unhealthy and abusive relationship.

1.          Do you feel afraid to speak your mind, express how you feel or ask for something you need?

2.          Does your partner tell you are "stupid", "crazy", or "inadequate" when you disagree?

3.          Does your partner make fun of your ideas or opinions?

4.          Is your partner bossy and/or try to control every detail in your relationship?

5.          Is your partner extremely demanding and jealous?

6.          Do you often feel guilty and second-guess your choices in friends, social activities, jobs, etc. because of your partner's negative comments about these choices?

7.          Are you afraid of your partner's temper, feel like you walk on eggshells, and/or are constantly monitoring what you say and do as an attempt to avoid making him/her angry?

8.          Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner and justifying his/her actions to others?

9.          Do you feel more "free" to be yourself when he/she isn't around?

10.          Does your partner throw or break things when angry?

11.          Does your partner try to control where you go and what you do?

12.          Does your partner pressure you to engage in sexual activities that you are uncomfortable with and put you down if you refuse?

13.          Does your partner threaten to kill or hurt him/herself if you have a differing opinion, try to end the relationship, or do something they disapprove of?

14.          Does your partner try to make you feel guilty for having a "life" (i.e. friends, interests) apart from the relationship?

15.          Does your partner criticize your family and friends and ask you to stop seeing them?

16.          Do you feel that you have changed, lost touch with who you are, or become someone else in order to be with your partner?

17.          Have your friends or family expressed concern about your relationship and/or your well-being?

18.          Does your partner know how to make you feel bad (i.e., what buttons to push) and use it often to hurt you?

19.          Have you lost touch with your friends, and only hang out with your partner's friends?

20.          Does your partner try to control you with anger and guilt, or lash out when you don't do exactly what he or she wants?

21.          Has your partner ever hit, slapped, punched, shoved, grabbed or shook you?

22.          Has your partner ever threatened to hurt you, take important things away, or leave you?

23.          Has your partner ever called you names, put you down, insulted you, and/or embarrassed you in front of others?

24.          Do you feel like you never get anywhere when you try to communicate?

25.          Do you spend large amounts of time preoccupied with what you've said or how it's interpreted?

If you answered "yes" to 3 or more questions in this Healthy Relationship Quiz, you are experiencing signs of relationship abuse.

Helplines for women:

In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

Helplines for men:

U.S. and Canada: The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women at1-888-7HELPLINE

(1-888-743-5754).

Sources: http://dahmw.org/,www.marriage-family-counseling.com

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Slow is Faster than Never

Slow is Faster than Never

Anyone could tell she was annoyed with the result. Although she lost weight from the previous week's Weight Watcher meeting, her irritation was obvious.

“One quarter of a pound? Four lousy ounces!” She continued to stare at the scale. “I exercised. I wrote everything down. I even stayed away from the hors d’oeuvres at the party. This is too slow. I won’t hit my desired weight until I’m 80!”

Standing down from the platform, I heard her grumble as she snatched her purse. “Who needs this frustration?” With those final words, she stormed from the meeting. The next time she came to a meeting, she weighed 43 pounds more than when she left- and was years closer to the “dreaded” age of eighty.

At times it is difficult to remember that “slower is faster than never.”

Few events are more exasperating than diligently following a plan, faithfully monitoring your efforts, expecting breathtaking rewards, and ending up feeling punished for the effort. Hope vanishes, motivation evaporates, and the seductive siren song of harmful habits slyly lures us off track. After all, rarely does one give up when all is doing well.

Success requires enduring many such indignities; it involves making a lifestyle- not temporary- change. Logically, we know that “lifestyle change” must last..well, er, um..a lifetime (hence the term). Emotionally however, we want to experience all the payback, without making the required investment. As a further analogy, we crave the benefits of wisdom without enduring the exposure to life.

It does not work that way. The process will not be rushed; it must be fully experienced.

Success is more likely when we understand the benefits begin immediately; we do not have to wait to enjoy them until we get “there”. To the contrary, that magical land where temptation is non-existent and motivation is ever present is fantasy; there is no better prescription for failure than betting the farm on such unrealistic expectations.

Those who obtain their goals are still faced with the same temptations and frustrations as those of us still striving for our objective. What differs is they persevere through rough periods by changing focus, not by ignoring the delay.

Setbacks cannot be avoided. Although it might not feel so in the moment, each one presents an opportunity to understand the process, ourselves, and make the adjustments necessary for long-term, SUSTAINED change.

At those crossroads, look back, not ahead. The future is always unknown, yet the road already traveled-no matter how short the journey- is lined with accomplishments: some small, others more significant.

Motivation returns when the focus changes. Remember, slow is faster than never.

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Paul Ryan Rides Off Into The Sunset

Paul Ryan, 54th Speaker of the House Of Representatives, is throwing in the towel at the end of this Congressional term. He cites spending more time with his family as his reason for leaving. His departure is accompanied by similar announcements from more than 30 other Republicans in both the House and Senate.  Ryan told reporters that he was "proud of what this Congress has achieved".

Trump twitted that Ryan was "a truly good man" who "would leave a legacy of achievement that nobody could question". Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) told us that Ryan was "a good man who is always true to his word" and said he'd "always found him to be smart, thoughtful and straightforward". Others praised Ryan the man and most didn't speculate on why Ryan might be leaving at what E. J. Dionne, Washington Post opinion writer calls "a low, dishonest political moment".

Since the Washington establishment has worked together for many years and I've never been inside that well known group, they probably see Ryan's departure far differently from many outsiders, including myself. I tend to believe that the toxic environment in Washington created by the Trump Administration is part of the reason so many politicians are leaving at this particular time. Ryan's belief in Ayn Rand's philosophy makes him identify with society's winners and regard ordinary citizens as moochers and burdens on the creative and the entrepreneurial class. Thus, he lead the effort to slash taxes for the rich as a conservative Congress and Administration left the nation with a trillion dollar annual budget.

Ryan leaves mourning the Senate's failure to approve his plans to cut "entitlements", i.e. Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security and food stamps. He bemoans these elements of our nation's safety net which he claims "might become a hammock that lulls able-bodied citizens into lives of complacency and dependency". Oddly enough, after the death of his father, the Speaker received Social Security Survivors benefits from the age of 16 to 18. These benefits funded his college education. No doubt treatment of his grandmother's Alzheimer's condition relied on "entitlements".

While he bitterly fought to repeal the Affordable Care Act, commonly know as Obamacare. Ryan uses the passage of the new budget revisions as his most significant contribution to his country. He believes that current policy changes enacted by the Trump Administration is "the path to reducing government's impositions on the managers and owners of capital to the good of society".

Paul Ryan went to Congress in 1999 representing Wisconsin's First Congressional District. He served as Chairman of the House Budget Committee from 2011 to 2015 and Chair of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee before assuming the duties of Speaker of the House. He was running mate to MA Governor Mitt Romney in the 2012 presidential campaign.

We'll see if Ryan, leaving politics at the age of 48, has presidential ambitions as he looks forward to the future. Think about it, in 2024, he'll just be 54 years old.

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