Jan 2, 2012

Single At 40

This month will mark my 40th birthday. And, to be honest, I’m pretty excited About it. I thoroughly enjoyed my 30’s. Looking back, I worked too hard and I didn’t save enough (any ) money. But, I had a little fun and a few adventures with no regrets. I look forward to my 40’s as an opportunity redo my 30’s - only better. More savings... More fun... More adventures! And with my 13 year old on track to make it to his 18th birthday by the time I hit 45... More freedom!

I’ve learned lessons in my past that I intend to use as guides on how to make this next decade of my life even better. The only fly in my soup is the marriage question.

40 years old and never been married. Do I want to get married? The answer depends on which day you ask me. Do I watch TV shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” and pine for my special wedding day? You betcha! Do I watch shows like “Bridezilla” and wonder how this cranky broad managed to snag a willing husband, and I can’t? Sure do! Do I look at my friends' complicated marriage drama and breathe a sigh of relief? All the time. The Bottom line is... I’m torn. Is marriage worth it? That’s the Million Dollar question.

Many (if not most) of my friends that are my age have never been married. There have been a select few of my friends that were married shortly but divorced. Like myself these are beautiful, strong, funny, smart interesting women who have never found "the one". I don’t believe any of them to be against marriage and I know for a fact a few of them are definitely marriage minded. One or two of them are completely screwed up (No, I’m not talking about you, Girl... ) But mostly, these are quality women who haven’t found "THE ONE".

With Black women three times as likely to never marry as White women. Statistically, it’s more of an issue for Black women. Still, to any woman that finds herself in this situation it can be difficult to come to terms with. Current studies seem to indicate a decrease in marriage for the sake of financial stability and trending toward marriages based on the emotional bond of sharing your life with another person. This would explain why more women are not “settling for” just any marriage, but still does not explain why it can be so difficult for women to find an emotional companion to spend their lives with. There are many well documented issues and concerns that complicate the discussion of marriage; from socioeconomic issues to incarceration rates to the question of interracial dating (feel free to discuss all that in the comments section).

For me, I’m comfortably single. I enjoy my alone time, but I have enjoyed opportunities to connect intellectually and intimately within long term relationships. I ain’t Ballin’... but I ain't Broke either. (Though, lately the economy has me closer to broke than I am comfortable with- but that’s another blog.) I have been fortunate enough to have strong positive Males in my life to provide guidance and modeling to my son. And, my trusty electric blanket keeps my bed toasty warm at night. Is marriage for me? Who knows? Some days I wrestle with that questions, some days I don’t. What I do know is that I have a whole list of things I intend to enjoy for myself and if on my journey, I find someone to share it with all the better. Until then, I’ll keep it pushin’.



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