Say "I love you" often.
Maybe Stevie Wonder knew the fastest
way to a person's heart when he wrote the lyrics "I just called to say 'I
love you.'" The most successful couples say "I love you" several
times a day -- and mean it.
It's not easy to get those three
little words out: Some people grew up in families where love wasn't expressed verbally,
and our technology-driven world of e-mail, mobile phones and texting makes it
difficult to look into your partner's eyes and tell them how you really feel.
Plus, it's very emotionally risky to tell someone you love them when you're
hoping they say it back. Yet, when you look into someone's eyes and say "I love you"
the brain releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and helps strengthen your
romantic relationship.
Still having trouble saying it? Show
you care in some small way, everyday -- like making coffee in the
morning, taking the dog out when it's freezing cold, or massaging your
partner's shoulders after a tough day. Or find other words to express your
feelings, like "I'm so happy you are part of my life."
Whatever you do, make sure your
partner knows just how important he or she is to you.
Learn to listen.
According to Elizabeth Bernstein, a relationships columnist for the Wall Street Journal, there are two categories of people: talkers and non-talkers. The world would be a wonderful place if talkers and non-talkers matched up, but even if they do, it's not always an equation for romantic bliss. It seems that many non-talkers are also non-listeners: they simply tune out the chatter.
Are women always the talkers? Not necessarily, although there is evidence that men and women process language differently: Understanding, producing and listening to speech is easier for women because they have more nerve cells in the left half of the brain, where language is processed.
Whether you're the talker or the non-talker, learn to practice active listening. Look at the person who is speaking, respond occasionally with some verbal cue like "hmmm," "uh-huh" or nod your head. Together, you should set aside some time to talk (and listen) every day, and ask each other questions to clarify thoughts and get more information. Most important, respect one another's need to be able to talk or to spend more time in silence. If necessary, let the talker phone a friend while the non-talker reads a book or enjoys a hobby quietly.
Make thoughtful gestures.
Let your partner know you think of her even when she's not around, and that you really care about the details of her life. Does your significant other have an important presentation to make to a new client? Send an encouraging "good luck" text message before the meeting, and remember to ask how things went at the end of the day. Is he or she worried about an ailing family member? Show your concern and empathy for what your other half's going through.
You can also strengthen your relationship by taking time to get to know what makes your partner happy and show that you care with thoughtful little gifts and gestures. Pick up her favorite flowers occasionally; bring home his favorite snacks from the grocery store; or make a reservation at a favorite restaurant or a tee time for a round of golf. Thinking warm thoughts when you're apart can easily turn into warmer thoughts when you're together.
Admire your partner's strengths - and
overlook the little things.
Every day, tell your partner how much you admire one of his strengths. Say, "I'm impressed by your patience with others," or "You are such a good cook." Everyone likes to feel appreciated, and sharing good thoughts will have a positive impact on your relationship and your partner's self-esteem. Make sure the quality you highlight really is a strong point, however, or he might doubt your sincerity.
On the other hand, accepting the quirks about your partner that drive you nuts will also go a long way towards enhancing a romantic relationship, as long as it's not a destructive behavior like driving too fast. Some traits that can be endearing when you first meet someone -- like the way he or she wears a certain T-shirt every Saturday or constantly misplaces his or her keys -- can be annoying when you've been together for a while. Be willing to overlook those pesky behaviors; after all, that's what makes your sweetie unique.
Be honest and share your feelings.
Good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect, and it's essential for romantic partners to be honest with one another. As your relationship grows, open up and talk to your partner about your past, as well as your hopes and dreams for the future. Speak up, even if you have differing opinions about a topic -- whether it's who to vote for in the next election or where to vacation, you need to be able to talk controversial subjects through and respect each other's perspectives.
Make time to talk every day, sharing the details of your daily life or talking about more meaningful issues. Some couples make it a point to enjoy a glass of wine in the evening to relax and talk about the day's events, while others take a walk together or simply touch base on the phone if one partner is on the road.
Your sweetie wants to get to know all about what makes you tick. After all, if you don't share your thoughts and interests, you may not be giving your partner a chance to love you enough!
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