The key to a lasting romantic relationship is great communication. Whether your romance is just budding and is off to a good start or it needs renewal after years of neglect, here are some tips on taking things to a new level:
Say "I love you" often.
Maybe Stevie Wonder knew the fastest
way to a person's heart when he wrote the lyrics "I just called to say 'I
love you.'" The most successful couples say "I love you" several
times a day -- and mean it.
It's not easy to get those three
little words out: Some people grew up in families where love wasn't expressed verbally,
and our technology-driven world of e-mail, mobile phones and texting makes it
difficult to look into your partner's eyes and tell them how you really feel.
Plus, it's very emotionally risky to tell someone you love them when you're
hoping they say it back. Yet, when you look into someone's eyes and say "I love you"
the brain releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and helps strengthen your
romantic relationship.
Still having trouble saying it? Show
you care in some small way, everyday -- like making coffee in the
morning, taking the dog out when it's freezing cold, or massaging your
partner's shoulders after a tough day. Or find other words to express your
feelings, like "I'm so happy you are part of my life."
Whatever you do, make sure your
partner knows just how important he or she is to you.
Learn to listen.
According to Elizabeth Bernstein, a relationships columnist for the Wall
Street Journal, there are two categories of people: talkers and non-talkers.
The world would be a wonderful place if talkers and non-talkers matched up, but
even if they do, it's not always an equation for romantic bliss. It seems that
many non-talkers are also non-listeners: they simply tune out the chatter.
Are women always the talkers? Not necessarily, although there is evidence
that men and women process language differently: Understanding, producing and
listening to speech is easier for women because they have more
nerve
cells in the left half of the
brain,
where language is processed.
Whether you're the talker or the non-talker, learn to practice active
listening. Look at the person who is speaking, respond occasionally with some
verbal cue like "hmmm," "uh-huh" or nod your head.
Together, you should set aside some time to talk (and listen) every day, and
ask each other questions to clarify thoughts and get more information. Most
important, respect one another's need to be able to talk or to spend more time
in silence. If necessary, let the talker phone a friend while the non-talker
reads a book or enjoys a hobby quietly.
Make thoughtful gestures.
Let your partner know you think of her even when she's not around, and that
you really care about the details of her life. Does your significant other have
an important presentation to make to a new client? Send an encouraging
"good luck"
text
message before the meeting, and remember to ask how things went at the end
of the day. Is he or she worried about an ailing family member? Show your concern
and empathy for what your other half's going through.
You can also strengthen your relationship by taking time to get to know what
makes your partner
happy
and show that you care with thoughtful little gifts and gestures. Pick up her
favorite flowers occasionally; bring home his favorite snacks from the grocery
store; or make a reservation at a favorite restaurant or a tee time for a round
of
golf.
Thinking warm thoughts when you're apart can easily turn into warmer thoughts
when you're together.
Admire your partner's strengths - and
overlook the little things.
Every day, tell your partner how much you admire one of his strengths. Say,
"I'm impressed by your patience with others," or "You are such a
good cook." Everyone likes to feel appreciated, and sharing good thoughts
will have a positive impact on your relationship and your partner's
self-esteem.
Make sure the quality you highlight really is a strong point, however, or he
might doubt your sincerity.
On the other hand, accepting the quirks about your partner that drive you
nuts will also go a long way towards enhancing a
romantic
relationship, as long as it's not a destructive behavior like driving too
fast. Some traits that can be endearing when you first meet someone -- like the
way he or she wears a certain T-shirt every Saturday or constantly misplaces
his or her keys -- can be annoying when you've been together for a while. Be
willing to overlook those pesky behaviors; after all, that's what makes your
sweetie unique.
Be honest and share your feelings.
Good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect, and it's essential
for romantic partners to be honest with one another. As your relationship
grows, open up and talk to your partner about your past, as well as your hopes
and dreams for the future. Speak up, even if you have differing opinions about
a topic -- whether it's who to vote for in the next election or where to
vacation, you need to be able to talk controversial subjects through and
respect each other's perspectives.
Make time to talk every day, sharing the details of your daily life or
talking about more meaningful issues. Some couples make it a point to enjoy a
glass of
wine
in the evening to relax and talk about the day's events, while others take a
walk together or simply touch base on the phone if one partner is on the road.
Your sweetie wants to get to know all about what makes you tick. After all,
if you don't share your thoughts and interests, you may not be giving your
partner a chance to
love
you enough!