I just read an interesting article posted on Clutch Magazine Online, "No You May Not Touch My Hair...". The author Themlu Ford didn't like folks asking to touch her hair and she didn't feel guilty about telling them "no". She noted that often people would not even wait for her to answer, indicating that asking her permission was just a gesture and that her answer didn't really matter.
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| Kreighton, Celestine, Henry, and Krystal Green |
When I approached Janel on the subject, Here's what she said:
I have worn my hair in natural hairstyles most of my life, so I've had my share of people wanting to touch it. Unfortunately, it is often without permission. The touching is usually done by Caucasians. It has always bothered me because it makes me feel like they think I'm less than human, like a animal at a petting zoo. Out of the hundreds of times I've been touched, I've probably only have spoken up about the way it made me feel a few times. I'm not a confrontational person. I never want to be accused of being an "Angry, Black, Woman". I personally think that they don't realize that they are invading my personal bubble. I think they are curious. I also think that they unconsciously feel superior. I don't see how a rational person could go up to a stranger and touch them without permission. Imagine what would happen if I approached a Caucasian woman and just touched her lips because they were different than mine.
I have worn my hair in dreadlocks for over 7 years. I wash it with Shampoo and Conditioner just like everyone else.
Personally, I don't want people putting their hand(s) in my hair and I don't feel that I need to allow that privilege if I prefer not to give it. The reason for the request does not matter to me and is irrelevant. It's like asking a buxom woman if her breast are real and/or asking if you could touch them. Not cool! Can you see her apologizing for saying "no" or feeling bad for denying the request? What would happen if the person jumped the gun and felt her up without permission? Case closed.
My husband had me in stitches when I interviewed him on the subject. He shed a few fake tears over the fact that no one has ever asked him about touching his hair. He reminded me of several occasions he witnessed women who were absolute strangers take my hand to check out my nails, asking whether or not the nails "were mine". They always wanted to know "how I kept them so long" and seemed to resent it when I sarcastically told them that "I didn't do anything" that might resembled work.
He also reminded me of the times when women picked up my purse to examine it, trying to determine if the designer label was "legit" or if the purse was "a knock off".
As I recalled some of these incidents, I was surprised to find that I never expressed my distaste for their behavior or told them that I disliked and resented their actions.
Kimberly Green-Edwards:
My oldest daughter is a hospice nurse and a cancer survivor. When I asked her about the topic, she had a totally different perspective. She is in the process of waiting for her hair to grow back after losing it during chemotherapy.
I remember the day we approached her unavoidable hair loss as she began to prepare for her chemo. She wanted to take charge of the situation , so we gathered together as a family and each of us cut some of the braids she was wearing at that time. When we finished , my nephew Cameron, the family barber, finished the job with a close to the scalp cut. She felt the love in the room and gained encouragement for the road she was about to travel.
With her treatments behind her and her hair slowly returning, she still finds people that want to touch her hair. She says she feels differently about someone touching her hair, depending on who it is and how she's feeling. The comments that are made often puzzle her and add to the stress of the incident. Some folks comment on how soft her hair is while some describe it as "coarse", She finds the comments "interesting" and has come to the conclusion that "people feel what their preconceived notions lead them to expect".
Overall, Kimberly would prefer to avoid the situation and wants to "opt out of people touching her at all", hair notwithstanding.
Krystal Green:
"I understand why people ask" and "it's still creepy either way. I really don't like it when they treat my hair like an oddity or when Black folks give me their unsolicited opinion on how they feel about locks. I remember when I'd play with my girlfriends when we were youngsters. We played in each others hair...no problem. With a stranger, it's not the same."
Krystal told me that she really hates it when people ask to touch her hair and then take that permission to "touch and feel" whenever the mood strikes them. Use your head people!
Mekhi Green-Galloway:
I asked my 14 year old grandson how he felt on the subject. He said "I don't mind someone touching my hair if they ask, but it's creepy if they don't ask and just put their hands in my hair." I asked him if he ever ask why they wanted to touch his hair. Although he'd never asked the question, he said he thought that "it's not every day that you see locks" so he assumed that they "want to get more information".
"I have a natural hairstyle and strangers approach me all the time and ask to touch my hair. Some people are even bold enough to just reach right out and grab a few strands of my dreadlocks and run them through their filthy fingers. Ask permission before you touch someone, otherwise it's just rude."
I don't think it's wrong to be curious about dreadlocks. Different cultures and nationalities have questions. Even among Black folks there are questions and misconceptions. I'm perfectly willing to have a dialogue with anyone on the subject and share my personal information, i.e. how long I've had dreadlocks, what is the process for getting locks, how it's maintained and cared for, etc. I even made a video about caring for my hair. Based on the video's wide viewing, the subject must interest many people.
Let me close with "touch my hair" on another positive note. Here's a photo of President Obama and a little boy who asked to touch his hair. Enough said.
President Barack Obama bends over so the son of a White House staff member can pat his head during a family visit to the Oval Office May 8, 2009. The youngster wanted to see if the President's haircut felt like his own.
(Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)
Related Articles:
"Can I Touch It"
Why You Don't Have a Right To Touch My Hair
"Can I Touch Your Hair"
1 comments:
I've had people ask to touch my hair, and I don't even have locks. I think some people are just fascinated/astounded(?) with Black people in general; I think I told you about one of our roommates grandpas that came up and stroked my cheek, commenting on how smooth my skin was... as if he were expecting otherwise...
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